By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love The thought of writing about Mother’s Day was a very difficult task for me. In my mind, every day that a woman embraces all of the roles she must fulfill during the course of a day is Mother’s Day. There are mothers who have children which are not affected by the “hiccups” life can present. Hats off to you… However, in my experience, and the experience of most of the mothers this writer has encountered, kids… “suck”. What a great revelation. When a woman has the courage to share a difficult situation she is having, or has had with a child, other moms hold the high watch, waiting to be supportive… then we realize we are not alone. We are able to laugh together, tell stories, one up each other with our “hidden truths” about our children, which can be quite hilarious when you find out your child was only doing what was natural at a particular stage of development. Their behavior really was not really a big deal and does not mean you failed as a mother. As loving caring mothers, we do all we can to give our children the best life has to offer. As a divorced single parent, along with my mother’s help, everything was done to present a stable life for my sons. Yet in spite of my efforts, something still went terribly wrong. My son, DeMarco Antoine Clark, a traumatized Army veteran chose to commit suicide. He is not unique. We lose 22 military service personnel (active duty and veterans) to suicide every day. But for this mother, the lose of life of that one child was catastrophic. There is a part is me that is “missing”, and I ache for my son every day. Hence, my difficulty in writing an article about “Happy Mother’s Day.” Bigger that my personal loss, think this about the statement… “We lose 22 military service personnel to suicide ever day.” …22 mothers and fathers are experiencing the pain I feel on a daily basis… Mind boggling. To those parents and family member my heart goes out to you. To those mothers, I understand. Not a day goes by that I don’t question what I could have done differently as a mother. Veterans I work with have helped my understand, there is nothing I could have done to affect a different outcome. My son wanted the pain to stop… the noise to stop. And, in a moment, DeMarco made a decision… a choice… to silence the noise in his head. For this I am not guilty. Mother’s who have survived this experience, hold to my words. You are not guilty. Our children were in extreme pain and in a moment, made a decision to stop the uncontrollable noise/pain. This mother, Expanding Love, truly does understand. Although the DeMarco Project focuses on issues and “healing steps” related to veterans and their families, this writer acknowledges all mother’s dealing with difficult situations with their children and in their personal lives. Television commercials and marketing campaigns focus on “mom’s special day.” Let’s be real. Mothers, […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love “Purple Up!” day this year is, Wednesday, April 24, 2019 In 1986, Secretary of Defense Caspar W. Weinberger designated April as “The Month of the Military Child”. He recognized children of military personnel make a sacrifice they did not sign up for. The kids watch their parent/parents leave home not knowing if they will return. If they are fortunate enough to “deploy with their parent/parents, they are up uprooted approximately every three years. Just for a moment, pause and think about what this means… every three years life as they know it starts over… in different country; at a new base; enrolling in a new school and having to make new friends. If we dare to go deeper and think about military service-related trauma, think about the ways children of military personnel may be affected by their parent’s decision to ensure we (civilians) continue to life free… As a result, many military children have higher stress and anxiety than their civilian counterparts. The children experience frequent disruption of friendships, adapting to life in new military communities and disruption in their medical care which can be very traumatic for children with chronic physical and mental illnesses to name few. Some of the children deal with combat related injuries and illness which affect their parents. And, the absolute worst is, some children must deal with the loss of a parent. Below is a comment written on the internet, March 1, 2018 at 6:31 am by Gail Anderson. “As a former DoDEA school principal, I worked with thousands of military dependents of all ages. Saying goodbye to friends was always a challenge. We would always joke, “don’t say goodbye, say see you next base,” while trying to help the children transition as smoothly as possible during “PCS season.” One observation worth mentioning is that while most of the youngsters seem to take things in stride just like mom and dad, many times there were relationship issues that children needed help with. Certainly social media makes it easier for the older kids to keep up with their friends but my heart ached for the youngsters who didn’t really know how to say goodbye. I am talking about the kids, usually 8-14 year old boys who got into physical altercations with their best buddies about the same time the families were packing up for the movers. I witnessed this on several bases OCONUS and made sure to include the guidance counselor in any “discipline” required when scu/es happened. To these youngsters, it seemed like they would rather not have friends than to have to deal with the emotions of leaving them behind. Of course the kids acted out more when there was a deployment or the ship pulled out for months at a time, but the emotional struggles of youngsters always having to pack up and go make new friends was di1cult.” http://militaryshoppers.com/problems–military-children-face/ If you know any military children, this writer would invite you to always pause, and move forward with compassion when interacting with military children. Please join The DeMarco Project as we celebrate Military children. Way […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love To celebrate Women History Month, we are showcasing an incredibly strong military woman. Carmencita (Carmen) Pinkney served in the United States Navy as a Religious Program Specialist. Her exemplary career span over a 20-year period. Carmencita served in two branches of the military. Being a “daddy’s girls she followed in her father’s footsteps and joined the Navy. She was in active duty and was stationed in Norfolk VA for two years. She then spent 4 years in the Marine Corps reserve in San Diego, CA and San Antonio, TX. Then transitions back to the Navy side and served 14 years in the Navy Reserves in California, Texas and Michigan. This amazing woman is a rape survivor and suffers with military sexual trauma (MST). On a daily basis, Carmen is plagued with debilitating migraine headaches. Yet, she does not allow her personal challenges to get in the way of helping her sister and brother veterans. When asked how she does it, she responded, “In the military, you suck it up and keep going.” She also said, “I do what God wants me to do. We all need help and I believe in helping if I can. That is the way I was taught. So that is what I do. You just don’t leave anybody behind.” For many years she avoided dealing with the MST. However, in 2013, she made a life changing commitment to herself. She decided that she needed and wanted to heal. Carmen sought help at the Vet Center in Detroit. In an effort to help herself, she found an avenue to help other veterans. That same year, she became a Peer Support Specialist. In this role, she is able to assist veterans living with the experience of mental health challenges, provide support, guide and provide resources to other veterans thereby, creating positive outcomes. This work has given her life/struggles meaning and purpose. Currently, Carmencita works for the Department of Veterans Affairs Benefit Administration (VA). Working for the VA affords her the opportunity to help fellow veterans obtain service- connected benefits. To this writer, she is great source of strength, while at the same time is very compassionate. Carmencita is very supportive when I am having difficulty dealing with the loss of my son. She has helped me understand that my son just wanted peace. She has shared many “healing” stories with me. Carmencita gives me great advise and continually supports The DeMarco Project any way she can. She is a dedicated volunteer and a pleasure to work with. She understands the vision and does what she can to help our goals come to fruition. It is an honor to celebrate Carmencita (Carmen) Pinkney for her dedication to her sister and brother veterans, and the family members of fallen veterans such as myself Kim is the mother of a veteran who loved his country and was willing to lay his life down for the freedoms he believed in. She is the Founder and CEO of The DeMarco Project, Non-profit organization. Her life’s mission it to save veteran lives and improve the quality […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love In this article, we are showcasing a few individuals who did their part to help shape this great nation by being willing to put their lives on the line. A very interesting point is, these individuals made their mark at a time when slavery still existed in this country. The contributions made by the people mentioned here, as well as other individuals of color should help us have a deeper understanding and respect for the many brave men and women in our culture who have contributed to America truly becoming, “The land of the free and the home of the brave.” In this article they are referred to as a people of color for the following reason. Two were African and Native American mix and the others were confirmed to have been slaves or were runaway slaves. Since the United States of America did not exist at the time these men and women lived, this writer does not believe it is appropriate to refer to them as African Americans. A good place to start with our “walk down history lane” would be acknowledge the first American killed in the American Revolution. Crispus Attucks, born in 1723, died on March 5, 1770, was the first person killed in the Boston massacre by British soldiers. It is not clear whether or not he was a free man or an escaped slave. What is known and reported by Bostonians is that he was of mixed ethnicity and was referred to as a “Mulatto man although he was African and Native American (Wampanoag tribe), not African and white. It is reported that “Attucks became an icon of the anti-slavery movement in the mid-19th century. Supporters of the abolition movement lauded him for playing a heroic role in the history of the United States.” Our next hero was a “minuteman,” a distinction very few blacks held. Born a slave and owned by an army captain, Peter Salem lived from 1750 to August 16, 1816. The captain sold Peter to Major Lawson Buckminster around 1775. Major Buckminster freed Salem to enable him to enlist in Captain Simon Edgel’s company, a special force prepared to serve at a minute’s notice aka Minutemen. Peter Salem fought in the Battle of Concord and Lexington, Massachusetts, which was the first confrontation of the American Revolutionary War. Peter had a very exciting military career. this writer would encourage you to learn more about this freed slave who became a military hero. Visit https://doi.org/10.1093/anb/9780198606697.article.0600893 . Our next stop on our “walk down history lane” takes us to the Seminole tribe of indigenous people of America. The Seminole tribe is the only tribe that was not driven off their tribal land in Florida. Our hero, Pompey Factor (1849 – 1928), a descendent of runaway slaves lived with the Seminole tribe. He was a Black Seminole who served as a United States Army Indian Scout and received America’s highest military decoration. In 1875, he received the Congressional Medal of Honor for heroic actions during the Red River War. Of course, we must honor a Buffalo Soldier. First […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love Throughout 2019 The “DeMarco Projects Speaks” will showcase phenomenal young people who this writer has had the privilege of meeting through the JROTC. Many people are of the mistaken understanding that kids that joined the JROTC are being recruited for the military. My experience has been, the students are learning and developing leaderships skills. While it is true that some will choose the military, most will not. Whatever the case, I feel it is important that as a community, we must be aware of the fact that there is an opportunity for public school students to be groomed to become visionaries and given tools and guidance on how to achieve their highest and grandest vision of themselves. The student we are showcasing this month is Cadet Lieutenant Colonel LaShaun Wilkerson, Battalion Commander for the JROTC program at the Detroit International Academy for Young Women (DIA). LaShaun exudes quite strength. When she walked into the room where we were assembling for a college tour it was obvious that she was a leader. Cadet Wilkerson spoke very few words, but when she did, those around her stopped, paid attention and gave her the utmost respect. During the interview, LaShaun expressed that prior to attending the DIA and joining the JROTC, she spent most of her academic years being bullied. She knew it was in her become a leader. She stated that throughout her life her parents instilled leadership qualities in her, but it was hard for her to express those qualities because of the bullying and difficulties she was experiencing at school. She felt belittled and hid what she truly felt she was capable of. However, when her family made the decision to enroll her in the DIA the course of her life changed directions. The leadership qualities began to emerge in 9th grade when she joined the JROTC where she was able to express herself and grow into a confident leader. Cadet Wilkerson’s parents work in a concerted effort to help her achieve her goals. Her mom, Ms. Cheryl Bryant expressed that she makes sure that LaShaun knows that the lines of communication are always open. Ms. Bryant acknowledged that when LaShaun is troubled, she gives her room to work through the issue, but is always ready to lend support or guidance. Her father, Mr. LaDarrin Wilkerson is always available to do whatever is necessary to help his daughter succeed in life. Her parents demonstrate by their actions that they understand, it is their responsibility to ensure LaShaun has whatever she needs to accomplish her goals. When asked what she wanted people to know about her, she replied, “I want people to know that I am confident.” She went on to say people confuse her silence with shyness. However, she sees herself as a quite observer. She grew up around adults and was taught to observe her surroundings. This 16-year-old, 11th grade student does appear to be shy, some people think she’s scared. However, she is anything but shy or scared. It takes great discipline to be a quiet observer and as a result […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love October 2017, this writer had the honor of becoming a columnist for the Detroit Native Sun. The intent was to share information that would be beneficial to veterans by helping civilians understand the needs of many individuals who have served in the armed forces. This came about as a result of this military parent not wanting another mother or father to suffer with the loss of their child to military/veteran suicide. We have attempted to educate and raise awareness regarding effective communication; physical and verbal “triggers”; traumatic issues that many military service personnel (active duty/veterans) live with; issues specific to female military personnel; celebrated the lives of military children and addressed their military related traumas; Showcased veterans who are making a difference; honored military mom’s… and much more. It is imperative that the point be driven home. Military personnel and their families give the Ultimate Gift. The gift is sacrifice. My son DeMarco told me, “Mom, I love my country. I will fight for my country. I will lay my life down for the freedom’s we hold dear.” My baby boy was a casualty of war by way of veteran suicide. He was willing to surrender his life so that people like you and me can continue to live free. Thousands of young men and women love us, love this country and what it represents at its core, so much, that they are willing to sacrifice their lives to ensure we continue to enjoy freedom. As citizens who benefit from their Ultimate Gift, this writer believes we have the duty to treat our veterans and military service personnel with the highest honor and respect. This military parent is inviting you to honor and acknowledge those who have kept our borders safe. They have made the ultimate sacrifice. These brave men and women are willing to give up their lives for strangers… people like you and me. Personally, outside of the veterans I am honored to work with, and the one friend who is a former police officer, there is no one else in my “world” willing to give the Ultimate Gift. So, in this holiday season, think about this while you are out shopping and celebrating with friends and co-workers. There are military families, father’s, mother’s, children, grandparent’s, nieces and nephew, cousins… who will not smile quite as brightly, because someone they loved gave the Ultimate Gift. We have the responsibility to show respect for those who at great personal sacrifice have taken care of us. Together, as a community, we can embrace our veterans and demonstrate our appreciation by the words we use, and way we interact. If you, or a loved one is dealing with service related emotional/mental health issues, please seek help. There are many resources available. Reach out to the Veteran’s Administration, or a veteran service organization such as The DeMarco Project. We are here to help you. We are committed to saving veteran lives and improving the quality of life for traumatized veterans. To Valerie Lockhart, Editor in Chief of the Detroit Native Sun, thank you for allowing […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love Often, when we listen or engage in conversations about the future of our nation, many comments are negative as they relate to our youth. Know this, all is well… This writer had the pleasure serving as a chaperone with the JROTC on a college tour to Central Michigan University. My perception of this nation’s future changed that day. The fact of the matter is, our young people are eager to shine, put their best foot forward and lead with certainty. The JROTC gives the cadets the training and guidance to be honorable productive members of society. It is an honor to be able to showcase one of our future leaders. With young people like Tre’Neka Mitchell in charge, we are in good hands. This 16-year-old, 11 th grade student of Cass Technical High School, Detroit, MI, has what it takes to achieve any goal she desires. Cadet Mitchell possesses a dynamic presence and clear concise way of expressing her thoughts. When asked what adult she admired the most and why, she replied, “Sgt. Malone” and nodded approval of her choice. She went on to say, “Sgt. Malone is the person I admire the most. One thing I like about him is that he calls things out. If something is wrong, he says so…” Her reason for admiring Sgt. Malone surprised me. When asked to expound on her reason, she quickly replied, “Sometimes it’s better to be more respected than liked.” This writer asked Miss Mitchell what she liked best about the JROTC and how did she think it would benefit her in the future. Tre’Neka had quite a list of leadership skills. She is reliable, motivated, a person of integrity, and an excellent public speaker. Cadet Mitchell is very motivated to do well and succeed at anything she attempts. She told me, “When I am struggling with something, I think of my dad and how he encourages me to push through.” She went on to tell me how involved in her life, and the lives of her siblings her dad is in. Tre’Neka’s father, Lorenzo Mitchell, participated in the interview and chimed in, “Everyday, Monday through Friday we sit down together and ‘debrief’ about the day.” Mr. Mitchell, a phenomenal man and my idea of a “hero”, takes great pride in being fully engaged with his children. Tre’Neka and her dad explained, that as a family they talk about the events of the day and dad makes suggestion on ways to address situations that come up during the debriefing. When asked what words of encouragement she would give youth who do not have a strong support system, she gave an example that I will personally use when engaging with someone from a challenged background. “If I were standing in a room filled with people and held up a crisp $20-dollar bill, and asked who would like to have it, everyone would raise their hand. If I balled it up and asked who would want it then, everyone would still raise their hand. Now image if I balled it up really tight, threw it […]
By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love Recently, in a conversation with a friend, the topic of trust came up. We move through our days… responding based on, “historical data” so to speak. For example, if you tripped as a child and those around responded with concern for your well-being, you tend to move through life feeling safe and cared for. However, if those around you laugh and pointed fingers, and made negative comments about you for not seeing the object you tripped over, you felt shame and not cared for… you are likely to move through life feeling…not so good about yourself. For this writer, the thought carried over to my work with veterans. Those who serve in the military make a great sacrifice. As civilians we will never truly understand what they experienced. However, this writer believes we have the responsibility to decide if we are committed to helping veterans through the rough spots. We must commit to not baling out when the going gets tough. Am I suggesting you stay for abuse? Absolutely not. What I am suggesting is being committed to helping a veteran through the rough spots. Our veterans, warriors, do battle to ensure those of us who do not have their same fighting spirit, their willingness to go into combat… enjoy living, laughing, sleeping, resting and having freedom of speech, continue to live free. We trust these brave individuals will die for us. This writer is of the opinion, these warriors should be able to trust that the citizens of this nation are here to help them through the dark moments, dreams, and whatever else they must forever live through. This writer has talked to many citizens, who have never given a thought to the sacrifices made. The number of people who do not care is mind boggling. My question to citizens at large is, will we/you/I be committed to their healing? Are we committed to supporting them through depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), military sexual trauma (MST) night terrors, trauma from loss of limb’s…? This writer asks the reader to ask themselves these questions Can our veterans trust me to have their well-being at heart? Am I willing to listen to a veteran “cry it out?’” Am I committed to holding a silent sacred space for this person? Am I willing to learn a different way of communicating? What can I do/learn to be of support in a situation I don’t really understand? Am I committed to expressing love and compassion to those who are willing to lay their life down so that I live free? If you answered yes to any of these questions, we invite you to invest in our mission to, “Save Veteran Lives.” Please visit our website, come out to our bowling fundraiser, help with financial, clothing and donations of furniture. Thank in advance for your generous support. Kim J. Clark. Kim is the mother of a veteran who loved his country and was willing to lay his life down for the freedoms he believed in. She is the Founder and CEO of The […]
The DeMarco Project Speaks Interview COL George S. Pettigrew (Retired) By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love https://www.thefoundationforgloballiteracy.org This writer is honored to have the privilege of interviewing a great hero and advocate for military veterans. COL George S. Pettigrew served this country actively in the Army. He worked his way up the ranks, and as a result of hard work and dedication to serving this great nation he achieved the honored position of Colonel, a senior ranking position in the United States Army. COL Pettigrew retired from active duty in 2009. Currently, he works tirelessly as an educator in the Detroit Public Schools and as an advocate for veterans throughout the greater Metro Detroit Area. His service continues through his commitment to veterans who are either disabled physically or mentally. COL Pettigrew is the founder of The Foundation for Global Literacy (TFGL), a non- profit 501(c)3 organization that provides military veterans with access to Skilled Trades training, education and critical social services. Many veterans, in the age range of 18 – 30 year old, have only been trained in a combat arms specialty, leaving them with no transferable skills when discharge from Active Duty. Unfortunately, the cost of training can be a barrier for many veterans, especially for those over the age of 50, and those without educational benefits. If a veteran has a less than honorable discharge, they are not eligible for educational benefits. Prior to the medical community understanding post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and military sexual trauma (MST), many veterans received less than honorable discharge to no fault of their own, beyond now having a military related mental health disorder. Those veterans that have an “Other Than Honorable (OTH)” discharge are not eligible for traditional GI Bill educational assistance. However, they have served this country to the best of their ability and deserve to be gainfully employed. It is of paramount importance that these veterans have the opportunity to receive Skilled Trades training or the opportunity to participate in a traditional college degree seeking program. To learn more about the Foundation for Global Literacy we encourage you to visit the website at: www.thefoundationforgloballiteracy.org. The Colonel’s service does not end there. He is actively making a difference for both male and female homeless veterans. This writer was pleasantly surprised to learn this military hero is committed to ensuring that homeless women veterans and their children having safe housing. He has single handedly taken on the responsibility of finding housing for female veterans and their children. In an effort to end veteran homelessness, he has created partnerships with realtors and property owners around the United States. This writer is proud to help COL George S. Pettigrew (Retired) get the word about The Foundation for Global Literacy. He can be reached at: 313.204.6266, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to assist veterans is dire straits. His email address is: ffgliteracy@gmail.com. Kim is the mother of a veteran who loved his country and was willing to lay his life down for the freedoms he believed in. She is the Founder and CEO of The DeMarco Project, Non-profit organization. Her […]
The DeMarco Project Speaks Healing Steps – A Lesson in Compassion By Kim J. Clark Aka Expanding Love Like many women, “daddy issues” are, or more accurately put, were in my bag of “excess weight” I’ve been carrying around. I used to think my father was mean and did love or even like his family. However, in working with veterans, this writer is beginning to understand that he was dealing with post war mental and emotional trauma. Presently, the mental health community refers to these types of issues as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This revelation about my father has come about as a result of my efforts to help my younger brother understand who he was. Our father made his transition before my baby brother was born. David C. Eley, was an honorably discharged soldier who served in Vietnam. He had a great sense of humor, loved John Coltrane and was a humanitarian at heart. Prior to working with veterans, my perception was that he was would trick you into letting your guard down (joking, playing games, dancing together…) then would be on a mission to destroy his so called “loved ones.” I am happy to say, I was wrong. In the past, thoughts of him would cause anger and rage to well up in me. Being a person who has the desire to hold no place of unforgiveness within myself, it has been a struggle to be free of the emotional and physical pain experienced at his hand. I tried working through my “daddy issues” in therapy, prayer, meditation, writing…writing… and more writing. For years it seemed like the healing work was successful until his name would come up or a back spasm would hit… then back to the drawing board, I would go. The more this writer works with veterans, the easier it has become to recognize verbal and non- verbal queues that are indicators to “back off” of a particular topic. Moving or talking too fast can cause a traumatized veteran to become agitated. Trying to help where help is not wanted can be perceived as aggressive behavior. Unwanted physical contact can be perceived as disregarding personal boundaries. Any of these behaviors, just to name a few, have the potential to trigger a PTSD episode. With this new understanding of veteran issues, this writer understands Army veteran David C. Eley suffered in silence. As a family we suffered. But that is not the end of our story. This writer thinks of him now and smiles about the good times. My dad taught me how to Waltz and do the Camel Walk, a dance from “back in the day.” Now, I fondly remember him focused on writing while listening to John Coltrane. There were many positive lessons. The painful ones are finally not “center stage” when I think of my dad. He was a man who loved his daughter and tried to teach lessons that would help me in life. He was also a man who lived with emotion issues and no help was available. For this I have compassion If you, or a loved one is dealing […]