Healthy Communication with Veterans or Veteran Family Members

The DeMarco Project Speaks

Part I

By Kim J. Clark

Aka Expanding Love

As civilians we can never truly understand the post service health issues a veteran may have. We

can empathize, have compassion and an overwhelming desire to help. However, at the end of the

day, we can only imagine what the person experienced while in active duty, and the emotional

scars that may continue to be with them.

As people who benefit from sacrifices made by the men and women who serve, it is a privilege

to honor veterans in any healthy way we can. One way is to pay attention to the words used and

questions asked when conversing with a traumatized veteran. In many cases, you can’t look at a

veteran and know if they experienced some type of military related trauma. So, it is prudent, for

the sake of building healthy relationships with veterans and family members of traumatized

veterans, to pay attention to the words you speak.

For example, on more than one occasion, when speaking about my mission, the individual I was

speaking to responded, “All they have to do is go to the VA.” Initially, I became “agitated” to

say the least. My son was not able to make it, without much needed medication, to the day he

was scheduled for intake at the VA. Out of these experiences, I learned that most people may

not realize their questions or comments may trigger a negative response in the person they are

speaking to.

While preparing to write this article, it occurred to me a way to help veterans and civilians who

interact with veterans, would be to ask veterans, what they wanted civilians to know. When the

question was posed, the unanimous response from the group of veterans I was speaking with

was, “Tell people to stop asking dumb questions.” When asked for an example, the most

disturbing question veterans are asked is, “Have you killed anyone?” to which, the veteran, is

forced the relive events they are trying to close the door on.

If you must ask questions, be considerate of the veteran. Examples of better questions to ask

includes, “What did you like most about your military experience?” and “Is basic training as hard

as they make it look in the movies? This writer invites the reader to be mindful of questions and

“off the cuff “ statements made when trying to connect with veterans and their immediate family

members. And, of course, always express gratitude for the great sacrifice made.

Remember our heroes on Veterans Day, November 11, 2017

Kim is the mother of a veteran who loved his country and was willing to lay his life down for the

freedoms he believed in. She is the President and Founder of The DeMarco Project, a Non-profit

organization. Her life’s mission it to save veteran lives and improve the quality of life for

traumatized military service persons. If you would like to support her in the work, donations are

welcome. Visit the website; www.TheDeMarcoProject.org.

Read more at www.detroitnativesunonline.com

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