By Kim J. Clark
Aka Expanding Love
The thought of writing about Mother’s Day was a very difficult task for me. In my mind, every
day that a woman embraces all of the roles she must fulfill during the course of a day is Mother’s
Day. There are mothers who have children which are not affected by the “hiccups” life can
present. Hats off to you… However, in my experience, and the experience of most of the
mothers this writer has encountered, kids… “suck”.
What a great revelation. When a woman has the courage to share a difficult situation she is
having, or has had with a child, other moms hold the high watch, waiting to be supportive… then
we realize we are not alone. We are able to laugh together, tell stories, one up each other with
our “hidden truths” about our children, which can be quite hilarious when you find out your child
was only doing what was natural at a particular stage of development. Their behavior really was
not really a big deal and does not mean you failed as a mother.
As loving caring mothers, we do all we can to give our children the best life has to offer. As a
divorced single parent, along with my mother’s help, everything was done to present a stable life
for my sons. Yet in spite of my efforts, something still went terribly wrong. My son, DeMarco
Antoine Clark, a traumatized Army veteran chose to commit suicide. He is not unique. We lose
22 military service personnel (active duty and veterans) to suicide every day. But for this mother,
the lose of life of that one child was catastrophic. There is a part is me that is “missing”, and I
ache for my son every day. Hence, my difficulty in writing an article about “Happy Mother’s
Day.”
Bigger that my personal loss, think this about the statement… “We lose 22 military service
personnel to suicide ever day.” …22 mothers and fathers are experiencing the pain I feel on a
daily basis… Mind boggling. To those parents and family member my heart goes out to you. To
those mothers, I understand. Not a day goes by that I don’t question what I could have done
differently as a mother. Veterans I work with have helped my understand, there is nothing I
could have done to affect a different outcome. My son wanted the pain to stop… the noise to
stop. And, in a moment, DeMarco made a decision… a choice… to silence the noise in his head.
For this I am not guilty. Mother’s who have survived this experience, hold to my words. You are
not guilty. Our children were in extreme pain and in a moment, made a decision to stop the
uncontrollable noise/pain. This mother, Expanding Love, truly does understand.
Although the DeMarco Project focuses on issues and “healing steps” related to veterans and their
families, this writer acknowledges all mother’s dealing with difficult situations with their
children and in their personal lives.
Television commercials and marketing campaigns focus on “mom’s special day.” Let’s be real.
Mothers, such as I, and mothers who have lost their child to drug addition or a drug overdose,
mother’s whose children are in abusive relationships… Mothers who are living in abusive
relationships, mother who give the best of themselves to ungrateful children deserve to be
honored. This season, you are celebrated. Your struggles, pain, confusion, and commitment to be
the best mom you can be, is celebrated.
Mother to mother, know this, The DeMarco Project and its volunteers hold you in the highest
regard. You are respected and appreciated for the love you pour into you children. May peace,
love and prosperity be with you always, in all ways.
Kim is the mother of a veteran who loved his country and was willing to lay his life down for the
freedoms he believed in. She is the Founder and CEO of The DeMarco Project, Non-profit
organization. Her life’s mission it to save veteran lives and improve the quality of life for
traumatized military service persons. If you would like to support her in the work, donations are
welcome. Visit the website: www.TheDeMarcoProject.org.
The articles featured here are published in the Detroit Native Sun http://www.detroitnativesunonline.com.
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